Grow TF Up. Compassionately

Fàlki
6 min readMar 1, 2018

There’s a new verb out there. Adult used to refer to a person of a certain age. Now it means to do things that a person of a certain age is supposed to do. This can be anything from the laundry to taxes. Seems like every other time I get on Facebook or Instagram there’s a Meme, generally posted by one of my younger, Millennial friends, about the awful thing called Adulting. Either they have managed to Adult that day in a way that makes them proud but also tired and generally disdainful of their need to Adult, OR they are wishing that they didn’t have to do any Adulting that day.

I can relate.

But I’m no Millennial. I’m a Gen-Xer, and I’ve been adulting for many years.

Or have I?

Looking in from the outside, it probably appears that I am, indeed an Adult Who Adults. I pay my rent, buy groceries, pay taxes, balance my checking account, do laundry and have a private practice that keeps me from living on the streets. I also interview well and tend to present as a smart and capable person.

Look deeper. I’ve spent most of my life riding the coat tails of other people. I have let other people BE my structure and security. Without an external structure, I sleep late, eat crap, barely pay attention to my finances, leak money on junk and junk food, and put little or no effort into my work. And taxes? Sure. I pay them (because I’m afraid I’ll go to jail (or get yelled at by my IRS Dad)). But I’m always getting into H&R Block on the last day with my stuff BARELY in order and not really knowing if I have the money that I need. Adulting, really Adulting is not something I learned how to do.

I have been a perpetual child.

My parents had 1. That was me. And I was spoiled rotten at a very young age. I was given whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. On top of that, I wasn’t really taught any of the basic Human Needs things BECAUSE I was spoiled AND because my parents were caught up in their own issues. Drinking was a big deal. But there were more things — like over spending, bankruptcy, starting and losing a business, and old shame junk around obsessively cleaning and working their fingers to the bone and hating it. I got a lot of messages, but the 3 biggies were: you don’t have to do anything for yourself, work/self-care/home care/money…

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Fàlki

Heathen wildflower. Healer/teacher. Tiny, mobile space dweller. Artist. I write what I know, what I dream, what I learn.